i like that because of mataroa im less precious about writing blogs (even though this post is starting as an obsidan note so there is one layer still of preciousness)(by preciousness here i mean any form of editing)
i see the value in having some kind of documentation (however infrequent) of, well, everything. i have thought about this a bunch and tried a bunch of ways and so far ive come up with mostly fails. lets call them partial successes (failllls).
i have tried to ignore the problem away. this has resulted in the problem growing into a large mouldy mess and coming back around- but now its all mad and it has a revengence agenda and an angy rock music soundtrack.
then i have tried to be like- maybe i will grow to a point where i can get someone else to fix this problem professionally. this has not yet happened. maybe its time to explore this idea? can a person who does nothing of real importance hire a secretary to help them? can i hire like a mother/manager type person to order my life? would it be worth saving on rent to do this? maybe. i will seriously consider this actually. send me thoughts re this on message if you have any. maybe prayers.
anyhow. i have now a very large inventory/infrastructure problem (sounds dramatic i know but honestly- i have to manage a kiln and a table saw and several pieces of speciality equipment so at this point, infrastructure feels like the right word)
also, even in the several (several)(several) fails, there is value in whatever half produced work products (like the 4 posts on this here site) result from even the saddest attempts at organisation.
it might be time to accept that "perpetually trying badly to organise things till everything falls over jenga style and then we spend 6 months trying to fix the dumpster fire only to get to point where this whole thing happens again" (like how you wash laundry and then fold it neatly and then pull it out and wear it and crease it and then have to wash it again only to be folded and unfolded at sisyphean infinitum){why do i bother organizing my clothes in my wardrobe if im only going to pull them out and mess it up again?}(cause if you dont then you cant find anything and this is how we end up with 5 hot water bags and wear like 3 shirts for the whole year and then its a whole mess when we move){and we do move because even though we promised we would die here if it killed us but we would never move again, we (true child birth amnesia style) forget what a pain moving is, and so, like the laundry loop, this is a thing now we will be doing if we insist on this existence thing}(and shouldn't we honestly have known better than to wait for the sweet release of death to save us from having to move or have our powers of self delusion grown with time?)* is just going to be my life.
also, also, im of the opinion that incomplete, infrequent, random, hobbling progress, over time, can accumulate into a corpus of something actually cool- frankinstien's monster style (depending on how you feel about said monster, and monsters in general] (i find a lot of them to be pretty fun)
anyhow. the net result is im going to try again. this time by making a series of list dumps in the form of lists-masterlist
- PS- this is not my internal monologue. its more like a dialogue writing exercise where i pretend to be talking to myself as if i was someone who wasn't as dumb as i am and that less dumb person is in some kind of business/partnership with me.