- Amy Poehler said it.
On her podcast hang with Leanne Morgan, when they were talking about Leanne's new show and her having to learn a bunch of terms because she had never done TV before, Amy said "don't you feel like life is just a series of terms to keep you out of the room. and then once you learn the terms, you're in the room".
I really feel this. This, I think, is a thing I'm very good at but also a thing I at which I constantly want/need to be so much better. The skill of keeping my feet planted in a room where I don't understand anything that's being said. Whatever muscle works against the 'let's get the fuck outa here idk wtf anyone is saying" urge. And the urge is strong [stronger the longer I've gone without facing off against it].
It hit me hard reading T's last weeknote. I was immediately like- what is Agile? What are code gen practices? what is 'own versions of gen AI'? consumer tech? agentic llms on steroids?CRDT systems? table stakes?
I decided to look up the previous weeknote thinking maybe the answers to these were covered in last weeks episode- big mistake. What are editors? What's Lexcial? Prose mirror? RUN FOR THE HILLS.
It's worth mentioning that no-one is trying actively to keep me out of this room (in fact, extra thanks to T who takes the time to explain things to me in ways that make sense to me)(super super appreciate).
It's that I opened the door to this room voluntarily and want to now keep myself out of the room because.
because why?
because translation is tiring?
because the idea of learning something new, even for someone who loooooves it (me), is daunting. feels like standing in front of a very tall mountain and knowing that the only way to climb it is with tiny steps. and even though I've done this before, it never quite feels realistic. like how are your lil baby feet going to step their way up a mountain? How is this hunk of metal filled with meat bags going to fly in the sky?!
because im old and i just want to crawl into a corner and be comfy
because.
i think the only reason i keep doing it is cause most of life already feels like this for me- like constantly being in rooms where i don't understand wtf most people are on about and may i please be excused i need to urgently lie down in a dark room and watch reruns of psych while consuming milo. sometimes im too exhausted to do anything cause ive overworked this anti buckle muscle. other times i find that this muscle is ripped and looking for something to lift. does any of this make any sense?
- List of tv spirit animals/characters that I am-
-young luke {before he becomes all teenage boy like}, {modern family} -dylan when he first starts dating hailey {before he becomes all responsible}{modern family}
-abed {community} -troy {specifically when he's walking around with a giant cookie}{community}
-andy {parks and rec} -orin {parks and rec} -bernanrd {black books} -shawn {psych} -frankie {grace and frankie} -louise {bob's burgers} -Wednesday {idk how but definitely} {adams family} -moss{it crowd}
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Pamela Anderson has a new fan {me} - go mo, Jane Fonda,her hero and Assholes who salt wounds, Grandma core spite crib, this interview
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My dad might is now be slowly moving from complete denial of disability to a sliver of maybe this is a thing. I was thinking about why this is such a difficult thing to accept about a child.
Then I thinked - what would I like to be accepted about me? do I want the term to be accepted into vocab {austism/adhd/whatever}? not particularly. what I want/need to be understood/accepted as given is this- I cannot get to x place in the same way/ with the same speed/ with the same resources as whatever you consider to be an average person. you can choose to attribute this to any variety of things- you can call it disability or trauma or laziness or whaatver- what I need is that we both operate with these 3 fundamentals when trying to plan around a particular set of issues x-
- I need more help than an "average person" to do x.
- I will have a higher rate of failure/wasted effort/ wasted resources (basically lower constraint optimization)
- I will need unconventional help and resources/ greater creativity/flexibilty/adaptability in problem solving.
this might lead to the following issues {that we will have to navigate}-
- It might lead to you being annoyed, frustrated, scared, anxious, irritated. That's ok. So long as those emotions are not used to suppress/deny/punish the previous 3 fundamentals.
- It will be tiring for all involved. its like using a muscle you don't usually use in a way it does not usually get used. hopefully, with time and good practices though, we may be able to reduce this.
- It might need greater expenditure- of money, social capital, mental resources- to reach conventionally seemingly easy to reach goals.
- There is less certainty in outcomes, somewhat greater exposure to risks that could be reduced but will still exist.
it might not feel nice to accept any of this. like accepting that a person is terminally ill, it might not feel nice to ones sense of self, ego hopes for future, dreams for child etc. but just like denial of terminal illness diagnosis will likely make navigation through it more painful, denial of disability comes at a cost- usually paid by the person who has the illness/disability.
Even if we have some negotiation about the scope of x, with these in place, it would be less painful to navigate things collectively.